Amazing Funny Quotes

Amazing Funny Quotes

Amazing Funny Quotes

Amazing Funny Quotes

Amazing Funny Quotes


“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.”

 

“Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.”

 

“Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.”

 

“Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.”

 

The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

 

All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.

 

“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.”

 

Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

 

I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture.

 

God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.

 

When we have no idea what to write in the exam paper and the supervisor comes and says, “please cover your answer sheet.” It’s LOL…

 

“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”

 

“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”-Franklin P. Jones

 

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.”

 

Best friend: the one that you can mad only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.

 

“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” -Marie von Ebner

 

“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”

 

“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?’”

 

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.” -Cher

 

“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?’”

 

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

 

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.”

 

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale

School days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence.

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Funny Quotes for Life Lessons

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.”

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”

Cool Funny Quotes for Love

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”

“A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.”

“There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged.” (and with good reason)

“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”

Latest Funny Quotes for Best Friends

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.

As your best friend I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.

Short Funny Quotes on Girls

“In a perfect world, all of a woman’s issues could be fixed with WD-40 and duct tape.”

“Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make men stupid.”

“Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.”

“Don’t judge a women from 100 feet away.”

Funny Quotes on Exams

If you cry on seeing the question paper it is an insult. If your teacher cries on seeing your answer paper, it is your achievement…

Exam offer!!! Bring a copy on exam day, scratch and show it to your nearest “professor” win free trip to principals office, and enjoy 3 years vacation at home.

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth, until you step in the exam hall.

Our education system doesn’t teach us team work, When we solve our tests in collaboration with others, they call it copying….Foolish people.

Funny Quotes about School

You send your child to the schoolmaster, but ’tis the schoolboys who educate him.

School is one long illness with symptoms that switch every five minutes so you think it’s getting better or worse. But really it’s the same thing for years and years.

School is learning things you don’t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn’t know, while working toward a future you don’t know will ever come.

It’s easier to floss with barbed wire than admit you like someone in middle school.

Greatest Funny Quotes on Life

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

“If you are afraid of being lonely, don’t try to be right.”

Related Quotes You May Like:

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”

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